Aint life a funny facade of innocent bullshit. What do i mean by that you wonder? what i mean is as a soldier your expected to have no mercy, be cold, kill, and take another humans life at no expense, yet that wasn't me i had a heart for people, but could cope with death , so i looked for comfort else where and i found it in my second tour . I've been through the the war back in 2004 - 2008 and both the last two times i stayed in a drugged out fog, were i could look at soldier laying dead before me and not even feel any kind of sadness as they take their last breath. Heroin repressed any feeling of emotion where you could function and yet be mentally out of it. It gave me the false confidence i needed, and made me feel secure yet depressingly alone. The town of Kabul, Afghanistan you could get 98 % pure "smack " for only $4.00 and that was like at least 3 grams which in the United States was like $20.00 per gram and you were lucky to have at least 15 % pure heroin in that. I over dosed once in Texas and that was because i was being naive and shot up some heroin off the street called " MAC 22" which was heroin laced with fentynal Hydrochloride which is about 2 times stronger than morphine and yet knowing that i still injected it and felt this instantaneous sense of fear that if i fell asleep that i wouldn't wake up. I eventually woke up 7 hours later in the back of an ambulance...... yet that wasn't my rock bottom.
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