My name is Tiffany VanSumeren, and you can say Ive done it all, from heroin to meth and Ive been sober for over 4 years. How and the fuck i managed to hit rock bottom is beyond me. I went to being a successful Staff Sergent in the 101 st Airborne to a full blow junkie, shooting up heroin into my veins to just numb by self from the war and all the horrible everyday living coping mechanisms that the great America gave us, " self medicate" that was me. A bottle of hydrocodone and a few Oxycontin and i was in a false sense of happiness.
Then one day in the mist of me over dosing to the point of no return...... i thought to myself, how would i want my family and children to remember me? A drugged up loser? looking for her next shot or high? or would i want them to remember me my being a loving mom and devoted christian that did the best she could? I just had about all i could take of life and trying to be " everything to everyone" so i got my shit together and after 6 different rehabs and and one more lethal over dose that was it for me. I quit cold turkey. It wasn't easy but i can know say to former heroin addicts or current users " hey I've been right were your at" Its amazing how god works in odd ways because now im a restaurant manager and a sober devoted wife and mom. But it took the will to quit to the will to realize what i was going to use. I'm very content not drinking or shooting up dope..... yeah Ive got weak days were a bag of "white horse" would make it all better, make the bitterness go away, but the flip side is heroin doesn't care if your black, white, Asian, Mexican once it has you, its got you for better or for worse. And my goal on here to blog about this, is so people like me and who ever don't feel alone... there is a way out ..... Nirvana was one of by greatest bands to listen to while is was using, now it reminds me of where Ive come from and where i don't ever want to go again...... Please take it from me, if i can stop anyone can, I was one of the worse that the doctors had seen and treated, they basically told after many attempts at detox that I would be getting a DOA " dead on arrival , so they told me that they could offer me a methadone, suboxone or cold turkey in a medical environment and by that point i was so discussed with my self in my self pity that i was like cold turkey was by one chance at not being a statistic.
7 Days later after havering the cold chills and throwing up non stop and having diarrhea and feeling like every fucking bone in my body was breaking. The pain was over, the physical pain at least the mental war was still there in my head, all the repressive feelings id had from the war, watching friends die in my arms and being in a abusive relationships came to the surface quick and it was very over whelming, but for the first time in years i cry lot and i know now that that's a healthy coping mechanism, tears from past pains were so extremely unexplained to my wonderful husband Mark who not only takes care of me, but two children that aren't even his, yet he mans up to take care of someone else responsibility. That is a daddy, not a father. But I had to go through life the " hard way " to appreciate the greatest gifts in life which are God, my supportive husband and our 2 Beautiful babies.... so next time anyone who reads this feels alone, read this blog and i promise you'll feel relived
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