Heroin and the way it makes you feel

   For me it made reality bearable and made real life more forgiving. But now I've had to learn better coping mechanisms than what i was doing. But now that im sober and have been for some time now, I've learned that heroin can wreck your life and your family's too. Trust me I've seen it happen to mine and others around me. It will grab such a hold of you that you feel entirely helpless and emotionless too. I used to be a happy go lucky person .....where it took alot to break my morale and my spirit. But heroin was exactly like the lead singer of Nirvana described it .... that your content with being sad and depressed because by the time Kurt Cobain got to that point in his life, he was tired of fighting for his own life, which had i not got sober when i did, i would of more and likely have killed myself in the same fashion. Heroin is often described as " a monkey on your back" . And as much as i loved it..... the smarter part of me loathed it with a passion. Because it was going to take me from the ones i loved so deeply..... and yet you're absolutely apathetic too all who have cared about you.... your fears become your god in a sick and mortal way, and when i was in US Army for almost 6 years i had learned how to look at life and combat  really objectively and in becoming a fatalist meant for me being apathetic to all of those who died around me. And none of us  plan to take the path of life that will destroy us , alot of is are born with it. Self  destruction  was in  my nature..... now im trying to preserve life and not take my own..... ironic i know. I used to grieve the fact of having to stop using heroin. Now i don't even like  thinking of how it would feel to be high on heroin again and anytime i even began to think or even get a crazy thought in my head i just think about the opportunity that Ive had and given up to go and shoot  dope and how much i tore my family apart with ever ounce of smack that i shot into my weak veins. Life isn't any different than the US Army it is all what you put into it .